Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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