I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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