She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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