You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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