Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
