so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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