Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
