why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Mom said you looked used
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
