Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
