did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
