There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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