if you like me you must not know who I am
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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