Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
