just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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