Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
