That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
