I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
