My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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