Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
