I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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