my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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