wanna go halves on a baby?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize