We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
