I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
FUCK WHALES
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