K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
