I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize