Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
