You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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