I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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