wrigley field is MILF paradise
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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