Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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