I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
