Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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