He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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