I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
