i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sorry about my life...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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