You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize