I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
