It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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