If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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