ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
