I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
