Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
