I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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