We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
