Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
