You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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