i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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