this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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