Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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