we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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