dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
