It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
