I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
