I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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