So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
