Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
