Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just had sex bonerless
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
