I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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