If i come over, it means nothing
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
