I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
