his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize