I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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