Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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