Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
