so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
