I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
