i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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