she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
