what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
