absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
