im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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