I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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