You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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