You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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