I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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