...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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