Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
