I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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