He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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