U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize