We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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