This is not my ceiling
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
