I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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