6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
