cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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