I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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