Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So apparently I’m into choking now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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