So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
