soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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