If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
