opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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