You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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