hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
