This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
