Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
