cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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