??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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