Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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