yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
