as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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