i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
