sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
