Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
