Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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