Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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