I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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