Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
