I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
