A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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